Your face is a jimmy john
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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