the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
