I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
