I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
stop calling my apartment porn island.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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