I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
