You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
