ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
