Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
