LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
