Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
