Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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