Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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