i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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