is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
