I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
