everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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