The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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