We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
