Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
