Screwed.edu
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
