Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
