Soap is not a condiment
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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