I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
