Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
