if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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