Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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