A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
