In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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