i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
