One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
