i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
