where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone shattered a urinal.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
