ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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