You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
