dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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