the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
