I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
