i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
