You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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