Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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