i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
