You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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