she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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