sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
