think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
