Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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