once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
