Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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