my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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