Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
